i almost got into a taitai fight this week, but as you'll see, my new-found maturity as wife and potential mother kicked in and the violence, alas, was avoided with elegance and grace.

i was walking my baby pooch in the park behind our apartment, made up of nice, serene winding paths that are bordered with meticulously-cut cow-grass... just the type that my little poochie likes to poo poo in.

seeing no one around, i decided to take her off the leash and let her run and sniff about, knowing full well that she's too chickenshit to venture further than 2 meters away from me.

children came by playing and she ignored them... a jogger jogged by spraying warm droplets of perspiration all over the grass and she ignored him... and then suddenly, something caught both her attention and mine.

a young woman with long blond hair and rather chic looking geek glasses comes striding up along the path towards us. little poochie straightens her ears upon the flippety flop of the lady's thongs. the lady sees the dog and increases her pace, storming towards our direction. poochie thinks that she wants to play so she runs up to say hello before i could stop her and narrowly escapes being stepped on. as i was about to apologise for the intrusion, the petite woman remarks under her breath in a surprisingly manly german-accented tone:

"i 'ate it ven dish happenz. you shood take kahr auv yor dawg" she barks.

the apology stopped at the tip of my tongue.

"I AM taking care of my dog. she's right here with me and minding her own business until you came along!"

and then to my horror, she replied, with a spasmic jerk of her thong-clad foot,

"next time i keek yor shtooopid dawg!"

oh no she didn't just say that did she the stupid bitch is she asking for trouble does she want a piece of me ya come over and get it you sick piece of trash i'll show you who's boss here.

and then i replied, with all the dignity i could muster:

"OH YEAH? THEN I KICK YOU!!!"

sheer elegance and grace, i tell you. teach also difficult.