From Craigslist, thanks to A Gonzo Journal. For all you guys still looking for that Special Gal. or any girl, for that matter. And even if it doesn't apply to you, you can pass it on to a pal, as EVERY guy surely has a friend like this, in need of a major intervention. Here's an excerpt of the letter.

Dear Roommate,

You went out tonight and had yet another dismal failure. The best thing that can be said about this date is that at least it was mercifully short, so thankfully she didn't have to put up with you for too long.

It's not that you're a bad dude. You're funny, smart, caring, and (to my male heterosexual eye) not that bad looking of a dude. The problem, roommate, is that you're just a fucking idiot when it comes to dating.

I've had to watch this sad charade for over a year now, and I've had to listen to your sob stories, this constant recounting of how you can't find a nice girl to get into a relationship with. I understand; dating is hard. I'm no magician myself and don't claim to be the all-knowing expert of wooing the opposite sex. I've tried to help you, but you won't listen. Now I'm on Craigslist because I just can't stand it anymore.

Read the rest of the letter here.

We went to Ikea today and I ate 15 swedish meatballs.

We also bought three bookshelves, two black lacks, one big beige rug, two soap holders, one cutlery holder, and eight white rice bowls cos i'm sick of eating rice off plates.

But I'm still paying for the meatballs.

You know... this US programme about real housewives of orange county has got me thinking that its due time Singapore puts something out like it. I mean... we franchised Singapore Idol off of American Idol, right? So surely, we can have a reality show based on the concept of this Real Housewives of OC show and call it True Tai Tais of Queen Astrid Park. or some other residential district of equal exclusivity. Producers and casting agents can scour Tatler and Prestige for the faces that grace every issue, and there you have it... a new reality show! Then after that we can have action figures of the last tai tai standing, and young girls can have wealthy and beautiful role models to emulate. its a brilliant concept and even better because its tried and tested (originality is soooo over-rated) and with all the exposure tai tais are already getting, this sure jackpot one. can even do a poll to see which tai tai Singaporeans want to kay poh about and watch on telly.

Which true tai tai do YOU wanna see?

Was watching the english patient on telly and when colin firth's character asks what the first anniversay was... paper or cotton, i googled it to find out for myself, and to determine what other anniversaries were represented by. party-oz offered up the differences between traditional & modern anniversary themes (practiced in australia, i presume), but i preferred wiki's more comprehensive lists for American, British and modern gifts.

Interestingly enough, in the movie, colin firth's character was told that the first anniversay was paper, but as u can see, under brit practice, its cotton. but as far as i can tell, paper is the general preference regardless. Anniversaries after the 35th are the same all around:

Not sure what happens after the 80th anniversary, though. but considering that you could be about 100 years old, you would have outlived the bulk of your gift-givers anyway.

The Internet Movie Database (www.imdb.com) has a popularity poll on Liam Neeson vs Ralph Fiennes. at this point, Neeson is leading with 225 votes ahead of Fiennes' 138 votes. oh come on. liam over ralph? ok maybe its hard to compare their performances in Schindler's List, but Ra's al Ghul vs Lord Voldemort? the world has gone mad.

oh wait. but this is the US site. that explains a lot, and certainly provides good reason for the UK to have its own UK.imdb site. so how come Singapore donch have? i think we can be more, urm, objective.

A dear friend, whom i'll call Mandy, was bitching yesterday about people calling her an SPG (yes, wiki got definition of spg). "WHO CALLED YOU AN SPG?" i demanded, ready to club the culprit(s) over the head from 16,000 miles away. "aiya. people call you SPG also, you don't know meh?" she replied, oblivious to my attempt at expressing sistahhood solidarity.

"WHO CALLED ME AN SPG?!?" i demanded, with just a wee bit more conviction this time, and still thinking about the lethal miles-long club. And then i stopped and thought about it and replied that you know what? i didn't care. After all, i've left the country, probably wouldn't go back to live, and didn't give a rat's ass about what "the narrow-minded but broadly-educated (such a shame) people who i'm ashamed to call my countrymen and countrywomen thought." And that's what I told her and she said good for you, ting ting.

but i lie. I do care. These are supposed to be MY people. How could i have grown up in a country where i've acquired the knowledge and values that i have today, that also bred these idiots? how is it that foreigners and people in other civilised cities can go about their daily lives without batting eyelashes at inter-racial, or more specifically, white-man-asian-woman couplings? the prejudice may not be overt in SG because these people are smart enough to hide it when the situation calls for it, but its a damn pain in the ass.

Besides, I'm not an SPG. I don't wear sarongs (who still does, really?) and i don't really party that much and my taste in men are not limited to the melanin-challenged (i not that selective). I didn't think of my marriage as a ticket out, for in fact, i gave up being in (well, kinda). but then again, so what if i was an SPG? so what if i wanted to marry up and out? so what if i'm under the misconception that all white men had the ability to give me a better life than ah beng over there with his mitsubishi evo? And on this note, i say all straight-long-haired-little-black-dressed SPGs out there should get together and form a support group to educate the public about What SPGs Really Want and how there are other people more fun to take the piss at. like scary christians and taitais with big hair.

so ya. i admit i was a bit upset to be reminded about the SPG thing. But then i put in Barbra Streisand's Live at MGM Grand Concert, circa 1993, and like many a gay man at a show-tunes theme party, i was empowered. god, i love that woman... and if i can't stop people calling me an SPG, then i might as well just embrace the other side (tho i think real SPGs out there would scoff at my lack of street SPG cred). but if you must, call me an SPG all you want cos you know what? NOBODY's gonna rain on this SPG's parade.

This was the first Nikki French novel i read, years ago. the book was good enough, and sinister enough to put me off the whole silent brooding type thing. But when the movie came along in 2002, with Joseph Fiennes playing the sinister silent brooder, i was thrilled (any fiennes is fine by me). except that the bad reviews (no chemistry, just gratuitous sex, poor acting, etc) got to me before i reached the movie ticket booth and i decided i'd give it a 4-year miss.

until i picked it up for $6.99 at the re-used dvd section. this way, no guilt. and good thing i did too. most of the movie is really, really bad. all of the soundtrack is really, really bad (i think it might actually be the theme song from madame butterfly, on repeat and repeat and repeat, but i might be wrong). And to say the directing was contrived is a really, really severe understatement. the critics did not do justice to how truly atrocious this movie is. the sex is fun enough to watch, but it's hard not to wonder if, while executing the scenes, the actors could feel their ears pop from the pressure of the movie sinking at breakneck speed.

The only saving grace is the ending, which surprised me because it was nothing like the ending in the book. I liked it and for that, i recommend the movie for when you're doing something else. like ironing.

ok. now that you're all familiar with ways you can fold your t-shirts and the t-shirts of your loved ones and the t-shirts you hope to sell at your Gap store, we can move on to something a bit more advanced, and for a good cause.

Siva doesn't have a tai tai to tie his tie so he has asked to learn how to tie ties. the following are two ways to tie ties using...

1. The Windsor Knot
2. The Half Windsor Knot

There's also the four-in-hand knot but it looks a lot like the half windsor knot so i've omitted it, but u can check it out here.

We shall hold off on the bow-tie until i have proof of blog patronage from professors, clowns and aspiring fashion-challenged gynaecologists.

The Windsor Knot, from tieanecktie.com:

1. Start with wide end of the tie on your right and extending a foot below narrow end.

2. Cross wide end over narrow and bring up through loop.

3. Cross wide end over narrow and bring up through loop.

4. Then put down through loop and around across narrow as shown.

5. Turn and pass up through loop and...

6. Complete by slipping down through the knot in front. Tighten and draw up snug to collar.

The Half Windsor Knot:

1. Start with wide end of the tie on your right and extending a foot below narrow end.

2. Cross wide end over narrow and turn back underneath.

3. Bring up and turn down through loop.

4. Pass wide end around front from left to right.

5. Then up through loop...

6. And down through knot in front. Tighten carefully and draw up to collar.

And if you're the kind of person who has nothing better to do with your time, hates to tie ties, and can put bits of metal together for a purpose, here's a tie machine that will get you off in 562 steps. go nuts.

there is no better time to adopt an idiot-proof way of folding multiple t-shirts fast than just after a major move involving cartons full of assorted t-shirts of all shapes and sizes. with desperate times calling for desperate measures, i found the following visual aids very useful. pay attention, because THIS. WILL. HELP.

the first one i'd like to draw your attention to is this video from japan. its the fastest method i've seen so far, based on my extensive and highly meticulous research. it involves just 4 steps.

And if just watching this one video isn't enough, fold-your-shirt.com also has a demo, with a different t-shirt. this one white colour one. variety is good.

Now if this is too simple and straightforward for you, you can always turn to french technology and build your own cardboard t-shirt folder. caution: some engineering ability required. but it does promise precision, which would be a godsend if you're anal retentive or if you work at The Gap.

And remember ladies, the most important thing is to have FUN.

Siva on June 06, 2006 7:33 PM commented on my last post:

Aiyo, what's the point in watching a scary movie and then running away at the scary parts? Sort of like buying a cheese cake and then taking away the cheese cos it is unhealthy, no? I suggest you stick to comedies.

HOSTEL is not just any scary movie ok. it's a major gastromindf**k masquerading as intense physical horror flick. we are big horror fans, and i'm not talking about your average teen horror flicks like i know what u did last summer and scream (which were excellent in their own right), but stuff like saw and cult films like romero's deads and even really bad b-grade films like creep. but hostel took it to a whole different level of pure revulsion. here's what happened during what we saw of the movie, just so you'll understand, mister siva. spoilers ahead.

it began innucuously enough. these guys go on vacation in eastern europe and hook up with an icelander. they hear about a hostel in slovakia where the women are wild for american men, so they go. and during the first part of the movie, u see them having fun, popping pills, hooking up with women, boobies all. cut to scene where one guy walks into a room with a dominatrix and i said to my husband... wah... the show quite sexy hor? where got scarey?

and truth be told, its not that original a plot what. guys go on holiday and wanna get it on and end up getting in trouble slasher-style. but wait, wait, wait. here the slasher-style takes on a life of its own. if you couldn't bear the length of the rape scene in Irréversible, then this one sure u cannot tahan. the first serious torture scene focused not so much on the slashing, but on the reaction of the victim. it's one unbearable looong shot of him screaming and writhing against restrains in excruciating pain and just when u think the scene is going to cut to a different frame, it doesn't. it just goes on and on, this awful prolonged neaseating horror, leaving ample room for your imagination to go on over-drive until you feel that something in your head is about to snap but it still goes on. and then when it stops, the torturor tells him he's free to go, unties him, and the guy gets off the chair and falls to the ground. i stopped watching here but i imagine his achilles heels were sliced quite nicely.

right after the scene, i ran to the toilet and heaved. my husband had to lie down. we never finished it and he has threatened to throw the dvd away.

another review i'm inclined to agree with can be found here. as for omen, i haven't watch yet so i can't say, but sometimes, the fun is in wanting to hide.

"If anyone has insight, let him calculate the number of the beast, for it is a man's number. His number is 666," reads Revelation 13:18.

ya. that's today. and people are getting their knickers into bunches particularly as a result of the movie. me, i wait for the dvd so i can run away and hide from scarey scenes. like from that eli roth's hostel. by the way, hostel is highly NOT recommended... we couldn't even finish watching it.